It is odd that the most popular writing on this platform appears to be non-fiction accompanied by a photo of a cute animal. How is it I could be mesmerized by a book of short stories by JD Salinger that contained no photography at all, just a pile of words?
Well I finished your story, Going Home (https://danieljacoby.substack.com/p/going-home-part-1) and I found it intriguing and captivating. And it is a fitting end for you to explain how you came upon writing it. Thanks for that.
I enjoyed the story. Each part leaves me hanging to the point I imediately clicked to the next part. The writing is solid and consistent, though I do see your point about your switch to the plot from the focus on the prose. It is hard to maintain the tone and rhythm of any opening but, if you ever decide to revise this, I think you know that's a direction you should take -- less focus on plot and more on the style and the characters.
I felt the ending was a little unclear. And I still am trying to reconcile the idea that anyone could be excited to jump into a giant hole for the good of the community. I think if you drew that out a bit more at the beginning it would help, the idea that this is almost a brainwashing, that all young women are trained, schooled, indoctrinated (whatever word you want) to see that their higher purpose is to sacrifice themselves.
I listened to small bits of the music but I continue to offer you the thought that the music choices seem a bit off from the text. A music score is a complex thing. I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I'm not sure it works.
This piece, and what you do, show an inspirational willingness to take creative risk -- and to put yourself out there.
Thanks for directing me to this story. I hope my comments are helpful and come across in the spirit I make them. I respect your writing and your effort and this is a very memorable story.
It is odd that the most popular writing on this platform appears to be non-fiction accompanied by a photo of a cute animal. How is it I could be mesmerized by a book of short stories by JD Salinger that contained no photography at all, just a pile of words?
Well I finished your story, Going Home (https://danieljacoby.substack.com/p/going-home-part-1) and I found it intriguing and captivating. And it is a fitting end for you to explain how you came upon writing it. Thanks for that.
I enjoyed the story. Each part leaves me hanging to the point I imediately clicked to the next part. The writing is solid and consistent, though I do see your point about your switch to the plot from the focus on the prose. It is hard to maintain the tone and rhythm of any opening but, if you ever decide to revise this, I think you know that's a direction you should take -- less focus on plot and more on the style and the characters.
I felt the ending was a little unclear. And I still am trying to reconcile the idea that anyone could be excited to jump into a giant hole for the good of the community. I think if you drew that out a bit more at the beginning it would help, the idea that this is almost a brainwashing, that all young women are trained, schooled, indoctrinated (whatever word you want) to see that their higher purpose is to sacrifice themselves.
I listened to small bits of the music but I continue to offer you the thought that the music choices seem a bit off from the text. A music score is a complex thing. I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I'm not sure it works.
This piece, and what you do, show an inspirational willingness to take creative risk -- and to put yourself out there.
Thanks for directing me to this story. I hope my comments are helpful and come across in the spirit I make them. I respect your writing and your effort and this is a very memorable story.